Another Day!

 Hello again! Well I would love to say that I had the greatest day ever but unfortunately I didn't!  I'm not concentrating on that tho.  I am on a mission!   From this day on I am going to make the best of what I have and only think that it's getting better!  My abuser has family here and they had a birthday party for my little six year old buddy today!  He had a blast and after another night of drama it was a nice change of pace!  Why is it that the mother of my abuser is such a sweet heart?  Where did the nasty-ness and violence come from?  Is it a learned trait? NO because I am not violent and abusive.  And I learned it growing up.  Granted a lot has changed since then but I would never raise my hand in anger to my child.  So if you love someone so un-conditionally why wold you ever want to split there head open?  TWICE??? At least this time I didn't get dizzy I guess.  Why would my abuser try and tell me that it's my fault? Why can't he just keep himself in some form of control?  And when am I going to have enough? But maybe there has been a break thru, Anger management and it was his idea! I actually checked into some shelter options in the area just in case and have been being honest with my parents witch is killing my mom I'm sure.  But it is helping me because it's so much easier to be honest with her instead of lying and just saying "oh ya mom I'm fine everything is going great".  I think all along she has had an idea.  I'm not as good of a Lyer as I try and convince myself of lol.  Witch is not a bad thing because I hate liar's!  Tomorrow is Sunday and I look forward to Sunday's all week long.  I get to go and be surrounded by people who just want to feel closer to God.  And if just for a couple hours a week I know I don't have to defend myself. I can just be me, and that's good enough for everyone around there.  I know nobody is going to judge me. It feels as tho everyone just has there hands out ready to hug me and just hold me.  Hope to have some rest tonight and hope that tomorrow is great.