☆★☆★CT Scan!☆★☆★

☆★☆★I have been waking up every day with the worst head aches you have ever had.  So I asked my Dr. what he thought was going on and he sent me in for a CT on Wednesday and when I finished with the CT the lady said that the Dr's would review my chart and talk with my primary MD and I would know something within a couple hours and that was more then 24 hours ago?  I am starting to get worried. I think if they had nothing to show then he would have called me before now and said not to worry.  So as you can imagine I am freaking out!  I have had a couple days of complete misery between the headaches and the other stresses that I am faced with on a regular basis.  I am in dire need of a vacation!  I cant wait for Thanksgiving because my parents are coming from Colorado and I am seriously considering of going back home at that time.  I am trying to win the lottery meantime!☆★☆★

♥ School is a Bummer ♥

Hello my wonderful people! This is my little racer! So I am rocking my way through the first semester.  I have kept myself going at a steady pace and been constant in my anatomy class.  I have improved with the homework aspect and started getting a 100% on them as when before I was always missing 2.  And I totally bombed my last test and that was no surprise to me.  I have a great opportunity next week and that is that our teacher said we can use one 3X5 note card with as much information as we can fit on it and I think I can fit all the answers on it! I will just have to bring my magnifying glass with so I can see what I wrote.  But it is a good thing for me!  So other then that I am doing ok.  I have had a bit of a scare at the doctors lately.  A couple years ago I had cancer, I have been in remission for the past 6 years and I just routinely go in and have blood work done. Well last week I went in to get my blood draw and the doc called me later on in the week and said he needed to see me right away something was not right with the blood work.  So as you can imagine I was freaking out just a bit.  But everything was fine I just hold my breath when I get my blood drawn because needles freak me out.  So I had to go back in for a second blood draw and breathe through it lol... So after all everything is fine but I have to double up on my Thyroid medication cuz it's way off.  I learned today that stress makes my thyroid go outta whack.  So that makes sense because I have been super stressed lately.  Halloween went awesome and I got to take my son out Trick-O-treating on Halloween night witch was so much fun.  Last year I lived in New Orleans and they had a huge concert venue called Voodoo so I had one of his friends from school take him and I went to the party so I missed out last year on the whole door to door thing.  But I sure made up for it this year!

Bummer Test!

Well all the studying I did for my anatomy test did not pay off!  I did worse on this test than the one I didn't study for!  I went and met with the teacher and she said that I just need to calm down and breathe and try my hardest and things will be ok.  Everything is going to turn out in the end!  Oh and I said that I got the dream job that I had interviewed for twice well the school doesn't allow Felons to participate in the work study program.  So I cant have a job through the school witch sucks because I had put so much energy into getting that job and everyone at the place where I was going to work loved me!  So yesterday I was in the Comcast office and the guy said that they were hiring so I went home and put in my application on-line and sent my Resume along with it!  I hope and prey that I get that job!  If I do I may just go to school [part time and work full time because they have good benefits and free cable and everything and everyone there seemed nice and it seemed like a chill place to work.  So people pray for me!  And if anyone can give me some tips on studying then let me know!

♥ My little Tooth Fairy Moments!♥

♥ Sorry I couldn't flip it! But it was the biggest thing that has happened to my son in a while!  He was so excited that he could hardly stand himself.  And I wanted to share it! He has had this loose tooth for weeks and to him at six years old it seems like it's been loose for ever! lol  So you can imagine his excitement that it's finally fell out.  He is such a good boy that when I put him to bed at night he doesn't get up and I put him to bed Saturday night and he apparently wiggled the tooth out and held it in his hand all night long.  And first thing Sunday morning he woke me up at 8am and wanted some cereal so I sleepily got up and started fixing him a bowl of Lucky Charms and it didn't take me but a second to notice that something was off.  I said Gabriel where is your tooth?  He said "OH NO"!  And split off back to his room to find the tooth!  Well about a half a minute later he came back proud as could be and showed me his first lost tooth! It may not seem like much to some people but you have to remember the first tooth that you lost was such a big occasion!  I cried and said I guess your not my baby anymore and he gave me a hug and said yes sir mommy I still am your baby! God is great!  It's the little things in life that make it worth while!♥♥♥

School Blues!

         I was thinking I am doing great at this school thing! And well I am not doing as great as I once had thought.  My Human Structure and Function class is turning out to be more then I can handle.  I was thinking that I did well on my test and I only got 32 out of 50.  Ya you do the math that's a 64% Not good!  The one good thing is that she throws out the lowest test score at the end of the semester.  So I need to hit the books and try and retain the information and not let the whole "test" word freak me out and ruin my score.  For some reason the whole Test word has done terrible things to me.  I cant ever remember a time when I have done well taking tests.  So I am going to pretend that it's just another assignment.  We will have to see.  Other then that I haven't seen any change on the home front.  Same old crap just a different week!  But I'm not going to waste any of my energy on thinking or worrying about that any more!  My son has been doing well in school and I think it's because at night we have been studying the bible together and he really enjoys it.  And I enjoy the learning time we share also.  I am loving my Math class and I am loving my English class also because I feel like I am getting the most out of them.  So I hope everyone is doing well and having a successful time in College.  Ta Ta for now!

♥Love the Fall!♥

    Hello people!  I'm back...lol.. Just playing :) So it's Monday and it has been a ok type of weekend!  I got a ton of studying done this weekend!  That rocks and makes me happy.  I'm feeling confident about the week to come.  Hopefully that will mean that I am ready for the test in Structure and Function of the human body.  I hope so anyways!  I spent the free time last weekend playing cheerleader to my son Gabriel.  He had soccer on Saturday morning and then he played around on his dirt bike for the rest of the day.  I got the news that my abuser is getting himself into anger management!  That makes me happy to think that he can change.  I am going to cross my fingers.  I have to hope anyways.  Church yesterday morning was good although it seemed to drag on and on but the message was clear and made sense to me so that was awesome.  I received a text from my Mom she is in Montana for the weekend from her house in Colorado.  Like I said, I received a text from her that's why Montana is relevant cuz she doesn't know how to text and I quickly said where are you?  And she replied with your cousin Jess in Montana and she is giving me lessons on how to text!  Crazy funny that she, Dr.Mom new author of a book who travels around doing seminars and doing book signing that she can't text!  Makes me crack up.  She is getting it though.  So I guess there is hope for her still.  I came to the school on Saturday and rode the rides that they put on for the students and there family's and had a good time watching my six year old climbing the rock climbing wall all the way top the top!  I was so proud.  So anyways I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a good week coming up!  Until next time See Ya!

♥Living life!♥

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Hello again! Today has been a good day.  I was able to sleep last night witch was great because I have been kept up every night for the last week with ranting and raving :(.. I have felt like a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders by just changing one little thing about my life, being honest with my Mom about everything that I have been going thru.♥  It's an amazing feeling to be able to get it off my chest as when before I was keeping it all in and only talking to one person about everything and that was just two times a month.  And she is being paid to listen so it was hard  to relate to her.  I have got a  plan now and just need to follow through with it.  I cant be abused any more and I don't deserve it. I deserve the best that life has to offer and I'm not going to settle for less!♥  My abuser is aware that I am saving up some money to leave him and he is going to do everything in his power to get me to stay.  I have explained to him that I'm not going to wait for him to change. He is starting anger management classes "supposedly".  I have herd that before and I will believe it when I see it.  But if it doesn't happen before I have enough money to get my son and myself back to Colorado with our things I'm not going to postpone my plans to wait and see.  My son has a dirt bike and we have our bikes and all of his toys and both of our clothes.  Or plan B would be to find somewhere cheap to live here and stay.  But I don't have anyone here.  And I'm not joking. I have been here sense February and don't know a single person.  So going back home looks more realistic.  The only thing that is making me sad is that I don't want to leave school.  I want more then ever to get an education and do well to show my kids that you can have anything in life that you want you just have to work hard and things will be possible.  So last day off before going back to school tomorrow.  Hope to see all my fellow students smiling faces tomorrow and have a great day! ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥  ♥ 
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Another Day!

 Hello again! Well I would love to say that I had the greatest day ever but unfortunately I didn't!  I'm not concentrating on that tho.  I am on a mission!   From this day on I am going to make the best of what I have and only think that it's getting better!  My abuser has family here and they had a birthday party for my little six year old buddy today!  He had a blast and after another night of drama it was a nice change of pace!  Why is it that the mother of my abuser is such a sweet heart?  Where did the nasty-ness and violence come from?  Is it a learned trait? NO because I am not violent and abusive.  And I learned it growing up.  Granted a lot has changed since then but I would never raise my hand in anger to my child.  So if you love someone so un-conditionally why wold you ever want to split there head open?  TWICE??? At least this time I didn't get dizzy I guess.  Why would my abuser try and tell me that it's my fault? Why can't he just keep himself in some form of control?  And when am I going to have enough? But maybe there has been a break thru, Anger management and it was his idea! I actually checked into some shelter options in the area just in case and have been being honest with my parents witch is killing my mom I'm sure.  But it is helping me because it's so much easier to be honest with her instead of lying and just saying "oh ya mom I'm fine everything is going great".  I think all along she has had an idea.  I'm not as good of a Lyer as I try and convince myself of lol.  Witch is not a bad thing because I hate liar's!  Tomorrow is Sunday and I look forward to Sunday's all week long.  I get to go and be surrounded by people who just want to feel closer to God.  And if just for a couple hours a week I know I don't have to defend myself. I can just be me, and that's good enough for everyone around there.  I know nobody is going to judge me. It feels as tho everyone just has there hands out ready to hug me and just hold me.  Hope to have some rest tonight and hope that tomorrow is great. 

My kids make the Stormiest day Sunny!

 I wake up this morning and have a little face just inches from my nose!  Good morning Mommy I hear! After a night of not sleeping well because of the strained muscles and bruises covering my arm he is a refreshing start to any day! I have struggled with my self esteem for my entire life and sometimes I settle for what I have because I let that person convince me that I can't do better!  I let him convince me that I created this misery myself! My councilor explained to me yesterday that because I grew up with  abuse then I have grown to be accepting of it. She said it's a form of normal for me.  And she is right.  I How do I change it?  How do I re-train my head to know that it's wrong?  That's what I am working on now.  Well that and going to school full-time and being a full-time mom and working a part time job and keeping my fingers crossed that I get another part time job that I have already interviewed for twice already!  I think that if I could find some friends here I would be a happier person!  So I have decided that I'm going to search them out at school!  I'm not a drinker and don't do the bar scene.  My outing's consist of going to the Dirt bike track with my 6 year old and supporting him as he races around the track! So if anyone is new to the area like me or you just want a new friend then holler!LOL  Don't mean to sound desperate but I am!  I am NOT looking for people to feel sorry for me because I have put myself in this position and I am the only one who can change it!  I guess I have said so many prayers, that I'm just waiting for the change!  I have faith in God that he will not give me more then I can handle.

First Day at school in over 10 years!

 Anxiety that's putting it mildly! I was never a good student.  I just want to succeed. Hello my name is Sarah!  I am a single mother of two handsome boys ages 6 and 10.  I'm from Colorado and sadly missing it!    I drooped out of high school more then 10 years ago and here I am as a full time student!  I took it upon myself to go back and get my GED a couple months ago and didn't want to stop there.  So I am enrolled in Baker and hope to obtain my Medical Ins Specialist Certification.  I am struggling tho because I don't feel like I have any support.  On top of it all I am in the midst of a abusive relationship.  Hoping for change.